Internet, I stand before you with my tail tucked between my legs. I have a confession to make. I was an asshole. There’s no two ways around it. I went back on all my beliefs and got sucked into the hate-fueled knee-jerk responses that come with being a comic book fan. I was unfair to that which I love most and I’m sorry. Okay, I may have gotten a bit excited over the apology. Let’s start from the beginning:
I hate stereotypes. Hate them. I hate them because they limit natural impulses. For example, I feel sorry that a cop can’t walk into a donut shop without contributing to the stereotype. Donuts happen to be delicious. And in walks this person and they can’t enjoy their fried doughy goodness without thinking, “This is just what these people want to see.” More to the point, I hate that a female character can’t have a fun book without it seeming like a waste of time. It’s perceived as simply another throw-away girl book and when are we going to get back to men blowing things up? Now I love things blowing up but this is where I fell off. I’ve done it before, I did it again. I wrote off a book simply because it was a fun story. And evidently, fun stories aren’t worth telling.
Is this a review? Is this a rant? Who the hell knows anymore. I live in a very grey area. However, the book in question is She-Hulks written by Harrison Wilcox with pencils by Ryan Stegman. This four-part mini series follows Lyra the new Savage She-Hulk and her acclimation to a normal teenage life in New York. Superhero needs to fit in and keep a secret identity in high school all the while fighting evil with the help of some super powered mentors. It’s been done before. It’s not new, but with Ryan Stegman on art-I read it. That’s really all it takes for me to jump on board. Read the rest of this entry »
Even as I sit here in my cubicle in the waning days of September, I look back at what was a great year and I eagerly anticipate the return of spring next year. Not for when one’s fancy turns to love, but that’s when convention season begins anew! From comic books, anime, horror, sci-fi and gaming to even fan-specific shows you can’t throw a stone on the internet without getting hits for the next great convention or fan expo. What is it about these conventions that bring so much of us out of hiding and into the glaring light of the outside world? Well, you wouldn’t be reading my articles if you thought that I’d stop there, so read on MacDuff.
Conventions provide not only a place to get the autograph from your favorite star or that hard to find swag, they also provide a way for a divisive community such as ours to come together and let our geek flags fly proudly. Think of it kind of like a nerd-pride parade that extends over an entire weekend. These weekend conventions are highly anticipated; as fans spends thousands of dollars on airfare and hotels to be able to attend. As much as they spend on getting there and back they spend even more at the conventions themselves on food, drink and swag. It also provides you with a badge of honor that says ‘yes I was there, and it was AWESOME’ with plenty of epic tales to tell your friends that couldn’t make it.
Of course you have to take the good with the bad. Overcrowding, the ridiculously long lines, the over-priced convention food, limited run of con exclusives and of course limited seating to events can wear on people over the course of a weekend. Not to mention another annoyance at a convention: The Super-fan. These people are the die-hard fans that will pop up at nearly every convention they can get to, be the most vocal (read: ridiculously loud) about their show/game/series/characters being the best of all while slamming everyone else’s fandom and really begin to wear down the all-around good vibes of the convention.
To all super-fans out there I say: for the love of all that is holy please calm the hell down and shut the hell up! Being a fan is fine but that doesn’t give you carte blanche to slam ANYBODY else’s likes or good time at the convention. They paid their hard earned money just like you so give them the respect that they deserve. If their costume doesn’t look as nice (read: as store bought) as yours you don’t get to point out the flaws in their costume. When in line for the Q&A period at a panel, keep your question small and brief, if you have more to ask then get back in line and ask again (time permitting of course).
Another point I want to touch on has become more and more of a problem as the conventions get bigger and start to cater to a wider variety of people; that would be violence at a convention. Con-violence is sadly becoming more and more apparent as the cons get larger. Star Wars fans staring down the Star Trek fans in a ‘West-Side Story’ style gang warfare to violent outbursts in those long lineups to even where people at seated in an event. This really has culminated in the now-infamous stabbing in Hall H at the San Diego Comic Con. I was in Hall H when it all went down (fortunately I was on the other side too) and I probably wouldn’t have heard anything about it if some schmuck when up to the podium and said “Please return to your seats. There’s nothing to see here.” When you say a line like that EVERYONE is going to get out of their seats to have a look at what went down.
Now being at any kind of convention these days with the amount of money spent on costumes, the pass, the food and the swag one has to ask themselves: Is it worth it? Is all the money I’ve saved for this on airfare, hotel and all the tropes of conventioneering worth being removed from the event with a possible banning, or even a trip to jail just because I couldn’t get the better seat that I wanted? The answer is a thousand times NO!
I personally am not going to piss away a chance to be at any of the conventions with my friends just because of the actions of another. I can’t control the actions of any other conventioneer; I can only control and be responsible for my own actions. Besides, there are always feedback forms or even forums for me to bitch about the long lines and that super-fan in the brown coat which I can get to AFTER the conventions’ over. There is a time and a place for that; it is not while you’re enjoying yourself at the con.
As conventions grow and expand their repertoire to cater to fans I’ve been hearing a growing voice showing their discontent over shows that are not genre shows (read: shows like ‘America’s got Talent’ or ‘Canadian Idol’) getting space at the convention. Really people, with the amount of time that we’ve been ostracized for liking certain shows or certain forms of print media, are we really going to judge people that arrive at these conventions because they’re fans of these kinds of shows? Sadly, I’ve seen it more and more at conventions these days and it really puts an ugly stain on what should be wholesome fandom.
These fans have just as much right to be there as we do and they should get the same level of respect that we *should* give each other in the genre community. They are letting their fan flags fly just as much as we are and they should be included in our nerdy reindeer games.
To conclude this rant, conventions are a great way for fans of all genres and communities to come together in the spirit of fandom. Let’s all just play nice with each other (especially with those new non-genre show fans) and we’ll all make the conventions a much better place.
Until next time, stay epic my friends!
Fools! Little do they realize that movie plot was just recycled from 1974!
If people don’t pay to see a movie, similar movies will not be made in the future. In theory, that’s basically how Hollywood works, right? That’s why Saw movies are still being made! Assholes are still going and seeing them. Although, that theory affects similar movies (mainly dealing with sequels or franchises), it doesn’t often affect the genre itself. If a horror movie does poorly, the execs don’t say “Oh, well the kids today don’t like horror.” No, they say “Let’s put him in a different mask and set it in a beach house!”
I don’t believe comic-book-based movies work the same way. If a movie that’s based on a comic book or graphic novel does poorly, the suits will generalize that no one cares about superheroes anymore or that the content does not transfer well across the different mediums. Is that fair? Of course not. They see comic-adaptation as a genre of movies instead of recognizing comic books as a source material. Anyone that spends 1 minute in the racks can tell you that comics go way past tights and capes, there are some amazing dramatic, comedic and intelligent stories throughout the medium. Most would make killer movies if done correctly. However, one flop of a film and suddenly future projects go the way of the buffalo.
That frightens me, kids. I like comic book adaptations. Are all of them good? Hell no. A lot of them are actually bad; but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to see more of them. I’m thrilled to death that we’re seeing a surge in movies based on stories from the panels. It’s one of the only times I can sit in a theater, watch a movie, and truthfully say afterwards “Well, the book was better.” But what if there’s a movie based on a comic I don’t like? OR a comic I do like but they seemed to have distorted the material in an unrecognizable fashion? What then? I’m not shelling out $10+ to see a movie that looks terrible. At the same time, I want this movie to get just enough cash to assure adaptations will keep getting made. If it ends up at the bottom of the box office, we find ourselves trying harder to legitimize comic books/graphic novels as a honest literary medium.
Enter now: Jonah Hex. I won’t lie to you; I’m not the biggest Jonah Hex fan. I like a lot of the writers that have penned him and I do respect the character and his place in DC lore; he’s simply not among my favorites. I was still excited when I heard they were making a movie! “Hot damn, they’re gonna make me like Jonah Hex!” Then I saw the previews, and the clips, and the reviews and now I can tell you I have no desire at all to see that movie. None. But Hollywood, please don’t think I won’t want to see any comic book movies ever again! I just want you to try harder.
We’re not stupid. You can’t just take a beloved character, give him shoddy writing, low-grade acting and a few neat explosions and expect us to follow you to the cinema in droves. Comic book fans are actually some of the most discerning audiences I know! Change one thing and they’ll go bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. But you’re not looking for the comic book fans, are you? You’re hoping you can appeal to the mass population, huh? Throw in a few gatling guns on a horse, some terrible puns or a questionably popular actor/actress and that’ll be enough to put their butts in the seats. You may not care, but you’re making the comic fans very unhappy. And we are surprisingly numerous and vociferous.
I want to give you my money but I want you to earn it. I can’t just give in and pay an already ridiculously high price for a ticket to see a craptastic movie! That will only encourage you to make more crap. But I don’t want to hurt the comic book industry either. I love those guys. They give me entertainment every Wednesday. Unfortunately, your movies help sell their books. And higher book sales mean more books for me to buy! Can’t you see what you’re doing? You’re tearing me apart! Don’t make me see Jonah Hex in the theaters. Maybe one day I’ll buy it in the discount bin at Walmart. I’m sure the couple bucks that comes back to you will more than pay for the amount of joy I’ll receive watching it. Prove me wrong.
I don’t remember where I heard it; maybe I read it. Somewhere along the line, someone shared with me a theory about deaths in comic books. In their eyes, the only reason heroes and characters are killed off during a storyline is so that further down the road, we can get the satisfaction of their return. It’s gnawed at my brain ever since then. It has become extraordinarily cumbersome in the recent months. I mean, we had the death of Captain America, Barry Allen, Bruce Wayne and then that whole Blackest Night debacle. Now Cap’s back, we just finished Flash: Rebirth, Bruce is coming back, and Brightest Day has arrived. 
Was it all just to see them return? Was it just a method of toying with the reader’s emotions? ‘Make them sad just to make them happy’ kind of situation. God, I hope not.
I’m not about to stand here (sit here) and tell you fine folk that I don’t enjoy a good back-from-the-dead story just as much as the next nerd. I loved seeing Steve Rogers back in action, I loved the the finale of Blackest Night with the enormous gate fold. I’m not heartless; I enjoyed it too. But do I think that the ENTIRE purpose of these deaths were for the pure love fest when we see them rise from the ashes? Call it naivety, call it wishful thinking, call it Betsy-I think that characters die so that we can see the growth of the supporting characters.
Check it out: Blackest Night just flat out spoon fed you and told you that it was all about emotional ties. The entire event begged the question, “What if your hero came back from the dead and it wasn’t all that great.” Then, of course, good triumphed and the heroes were back for real and everything was 78% great. I made that number up. It feels like a safe estimate though. Now as we fumble through all of the Brightest Day storylines, it just feels like an awkward post-coital encounter. I saw you do things I don’t normally see you do. I’m not entirely sure I can look at you the same way. This is…weird. If this entire event was produced to make me feel the way I feel now, now that everyone’s back, then maybe we should have left well enough alone. Maybe this feeling of discontent is because the struggle was over and done fairly fast…
Let’s take a look at some of the more typical death/life situations: Bucky wielded the shield. He had enormous shoes to fill, but he struggled along to find his place-to honor Steve and honor his country. You can basically copy and paste for Wally West and Barry Allen. Bucky differs in that he chose to blame Tony Stark for the death but at the same time, had to secretly work with him. Wally actually subconsciously suppressed his speed-powers just so that he didn’t feel he was replacing Barry. It shows the successors struggling with sense of responsibility over sense of self.
Bruce’s death is basically just a whole can of paternal-acceptance-worms (which, sounds really weird). Dick had to face his greatest fear of losing his “father” and having to take on the cape and cowl. Alfred lost his son but still has to keep on keeping on for the sake of all the other sons. Tim risked losing his friends and family by trusting his instincts on dealing/not dealing with Bruce’s death. Damian is a lovable mess-his mother’s a pyscho that has tampered with his neurological system and he basically never knew his father Bruce-but if he can prove himself to his father’s successor, that’s essentially proving himself to his father. Whoa.
What I enjoy most about these transitions is that all these characters started out as the quirky side-kicks. And instead of living in suspended time, these guys are actually growing up and taking over the helm. Were they kind of forced into it? Sure, but do I care? It shows progression. It’s what the world refers to as ‘character development’. It was the deaths that were the catalysts in the stories’ progression, not the anticipation of a return.
I’d like to think that coping with the deaths of characters is the main reason they’re killed in the first place. The truth is, it’s probably just a sales-based decision. I had people that don’t even read comic books call me and ask me if Batman really died. If a death can generate that kind of out-of-industry buzz, you know that the sales were phenomenal. Then, when it’s announced that their resurrection is coming up, the presale numbers are through the roof. At the end of the day, it’s smart business. So as much as I’d like to believe the stories come first, you can’t pay rent with character development.
Characters never truly die in comic books. That’s a given. But if we just pull one giant mulligan after giant mulligan, at what point do we stop losing that connection to the death of our characters? If we know they’re coming back, why should we, as readers, care that they died? Wouldn’t the big returns eventually lose their appeal? When will we start comparing resurrections-”What, that’s how he came back to life? I liked it so much better when he came back in issue #459. This one sucked.” I guess we’ll just have to wait and watch. Brightest Day isn’t over, The Return of Bruce Wayne just started, Prince of Power will deal with Incredible Hercules and I don’t know of anyone that really wants the Sentry back..
Bones is making me angry, so I feel the need to discuss a very important issue in the purview of geek television: should lead characters enter into romantic relationships?
In case you don’t know, Bones is a forensic procedural show on Fox, based on the life of Kathy Reichs, an anthropologist and fiction writer. Bones, whose actual name is Temperance Brennan, is played quite aptly by the lovely Emily Deschanel, and she is nicknamed Bones because she studies well… bones. Studying bones helps her solve crime. She is partnered up with Seeley Booth, an ex-sniper FBI agent, played by David Boreanaz (of Whedonverse fame), in a role in which he mercifully smiles a lot and never broods. He cracks wise, she never gets the joke because she is socially awkward, and it makes for a wonderfully funny buddy type crime show.
If you saw Bones last week, you’d know that it was a cute homage to The X-Files entitled ‘The X in the File’, and it featured an impressive cameo by Dean Haglund of Lone Gunmen fame. Bones has visited the nerd world in many other episodes; there was a cringe worthy product placement of Avatar recently, as well as investigations at fantasy conventions and video game competitions. The lab geeks, or squints as they’re called, often pepper their incomprehensible jargon with pop culture references that fly over the heads of normal people. It’s amusing.
However, the ode to The X-Files last week really takes the cake. Bones and Booth have been doing the Mulder and Scully, will they, won’t they, sexual tension thing for five years now, and it is driving me mad. MAD!
Remember Scully’s little alternative reality foray in which she was married to Mulder? I don’t. I’ve repressed the whole series for my personal sanity. Regardless, last season Booth was in a coma where he dreamed he and Bones were married. He was also wearing a bowling shirt, so we all knew it had to be a dream, right? Still, I yelled at the screen. When Booth came out of the coma, he was going to tell Bones he loved her, but then there was this weird storyline about how he was wearing normal socks, and this made him doubt his love for her, so he dropped the subject, and they went on solving crime.
So, to bone or not to bone? That is the question. Some of the twitterati have been telling me that romantic relationships ruin shows. Others sit with baited breath, waiting for sexual innuendo and sidelong glances.
I know in the case of The X-Files, there was heated debate on the subject. As a 14 year old, I wanted Mulder to myself, so I was anti-Scully, but still the whole sexual tension thing made me insane. The thing is, looking back, I can see how this worked for The X-Files. The X-Files had a lot of substance to draw in audiences. It could stand on its monster of the week/conspiracy theory quagmire formula, and it didn’t need to rely on mushy stuff to keep its fans.
Another great example is Doctor Who. You really wouldn’t want the Doctor and his companion making googly eyes at each other during Cybermen invasions. The Doctor/Companion relationship is unique and interesting and never has to descend into the realm of simply knocking boots. And was it just me, or was it icky whenever any character in Star Trek: The Next Generation hooked up with fellow crew members?
That being said, I don’t buy into the whole idea that romances between leads will necessarily ruin shows. There is evidence from Bones itself: Angela and Hodgins’ relationship sustained me during the dreary season three. Their break up was unfortunate and this whole Wendel love triangle thing is strange, but entertaining. Cam and Booth were once an item, and they broke up, and are still happily working together.
So many lessons can be learned from Torchwood. Jack and Ianto kissed at the end of season one. This did not ruin the show. They did not make it into a Jack and Ianto soap opera. The few times their relationship did get mentioned, it was usually in the name of much needed comedy relief. Owen and Gwen banged on a regular basis throughout series one. Rhys’s relationship with Gwen provided much needed character development for her and her relationship with Torchwood and with Jack.
Outside of the realm of sci-fi, what about House? Those characters are frakking all the time; House and Cuddy, 13 and Foreman, Chase and Cameron. Really, there’s only so many times audiences can be interested in hearing a lupus diagnosis just in the nick of time. Relationships add valuable dynamics to the show.
Speaking of frakking: Battlestar Galactica. Enough said.
What about Booth and Bones? Well, it’s been 5 years of odd forensic stories, and I’m starting to lose interest. Oh look, we’ve found some bones. Let’s look at the bones under a microscope. Oh snap we’ve found the killer. I personally need a little more depth than that to keep watching.
I think there is an expiration date on sexual tension. After four to five years, it starts to go stale and become boring. Do it, or move on.
Bones and Booth have charisma, and their characters compliment each other. He’s street smart and dashing, and she’s brainy and awkward. They don’t have to stay together forever, I just need some making out to keep me going. Please.
What do you think? What about other famous non-couples in the world of geek television?
Bones airs on Thursday nights on Fox. This week lab is going into a forced lock-down. Will Booth and Bones have sexy ‘we’re stuck in the lab for days’ scenes? We shall see.
I know it isn’t comics or movies but I’d like to throw you a curve ball with this post. I love toys. No, look at me…I’m serious. I loved them in my youth and I carry on that affection to this day. The ones that shoot, the ones that blink, that float, that cry, that stick to the carpet, that could put an eye out, etc. It’s been hard in the past years since the major toy stores have slowly gone the way of the buffalo. Sure, Wal-Mart and Target have some available but the selection is painfully limited and there is no room for expansion when new products come in. But, what products? If there’s anything that I’ve noticed in my searches for new action figures, it’s that toys kind of suck nowadays. They’re all on a very extreme spectrum; it’s either a toy for the dumbest of all kids or for the ones that kind of make you go “Ohhh Honey, that can’t be fun for you…”
So I did a quick search on the best toys out there. I did this by using my impressive computing skills when I entered in “Best Toys” into the ol’ Google search. You know what came up? Crappy Crap. Clothespins! The Game. Not kidding, it’s an actual thing. You sort pictures of laundry. THAT’S A CHORE! It’s not fun and anyone that says different has OCD. Make a Pie is a fraction-learning toy. Let’s teach ‘em how to do pie-charts! That way they’ll be more efficient on Microsoft Excel later in life. I saw a handheld PDA to teach kids how to text. I cried.
Do toys have to teach you something now? Their worth comes only from the knowledge that they offer the child? Not my toys, Friend-o. Mine were bestowed upon me so that I would A. Step away from the television or B. Step away from my mother or C. Quit annoying my brother. Their only benefit was time consumption. And most worked flawlessly.
-Remember the Lite Brite? It was like functional art. You tediously slave over spelling out curse words with the multicolored pegs and you still have a lamp. Brilliant.
-Silly Putty. Put it on a newspaper and you can see the newsprint! Make farting noises! Get it in your hair and get screamed at by your mother! Throw it at your sibling once it’s become gross and discolored with bits of carpet fuzz and strands of your hair!
-NERF anything. Smelly foam on a plastic dart. When you’re not allowed to have a BB gun, you had to make allowances for poor trajectory of the late-eighties models. It improved your stealth. Yours, not mine. I threw rocks.
-Super Soakers. It’s very possible that I’ve built this one up in my mind. My brother and I each had one but he often decided to dual-wield those suckers. I got stuck with the cheaper no-pumping-involved water gun. It only had four quality shots in it because it leaked…nevermind, the Super Soaker is just the ultimate in water weaponry-no two ways around it.
Obviously, there were gems like Transformers (the REAL kind, not the Bumblebee is a Camaro kind), He-Man and the Masters of the Universe, the She-Ra sets, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turles (my personal favorite), Barbie and Jem dolls, Hot Wheels and The Real American Hero-G.I. Joe (the REAL kind, not the overly-CGI’d, kid from “Third Rock” as Cobra Commander kind). Now, a lot of these have been reproduced. Most have been made worse. But there were some that should have never been in the first place.
-The Slinky is not cool. It’s not. The metal one was the only one that worked but kids were dying from it so they switched to plastic. I snapped mine in half. Lame.
-The Pogo Ball. Might have been cool for some kids. Not the uncoordinated ones without balance. Plus, it looked like a planet. That’s dumb.
-Simon. I don’t need a toy to tell me I have terrible short-term memory. You and your silly buttons were just the pre-cursor to the Bop!It-a MUCH cooler toy than you will ever hope to be, Simon.
-Troll dolls. I had quite the collection, but I’m not sure why. They’re boring; you couldn’t even do anything with their hair. They’re just short, creepy, naked guys with body jewelry. Now the only purpose they serve is to decorate the cubicle of the woman who’s a little too into her cats.
-Spirograph. Mine never came out right and I lost all those little gear pieces. It was fun for a while but then later in life, I accomplished similar works on a TI-83 and it lost its luster.
I’d like to think my tastes have matured. I now buy additional variant-issued action figures and pay ungodly amounts of money for out-of-production Star Wars-themed Lego sets. I buy online now and save up to buy marshmallow guns. I try to find the best novelties on the market like my very classy Mr. Potato Head collection. It’s hard being a collector when everything on the shelves is somehow linked to High School Musical or the WWE (the FAKE-FAKE kind, not the REAL-FAKE Jake “the Snake” Roberts and “Rowdy” Rod Piper kind). Is there any hope today of finding a new and original toy among the educational and mundane? The future looks grim but we will carry on. In the meantime we’ll go digging through the boxes left in our Mom and Dad’s basement and try to remember better times. Any additions to this nostalgic rant?
