Hola Lords and Ladies! Byron’s back from the underground with a new editorial for your eye-tubes. Let me preface by saying I love being a nerd, I love nerddom and nearly all facets of this wonderful culture we live in……..(smiley face falls away in 3..2………1)
THAT BEING SAID, there’s a growing problem I’ve been seeing not only on forums, but at a lot of the conventions I’ve been to over the past couple of years. This problem has been festering in the darker corners of fandom and its spreading like a cancer throughout fandom as a whole and that is this growing sense of nerd entitlement that is acting like a festering wound that needs to be treated and healed. Read the rest of this entry »
Hola lords and ladies! I know it’s been a while since we’ve last chatted, personal commitments and novel work have kept me pretty busy over October and November. Before I hunker back down into novel-mode I thought I’d put out one more e-soapbox rant for you all to enjoy!
We’re quickly heading into the holiday season, oh joy. Nothing fills me with more dread, bile and hatred than the madness of the holiday season. The only real respite is the seasonal movies that can take some of the Xmas rage away. But I’m not talking about ‘Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer’, ‘Frosty the Snowman’ and ‘Santa Claus: The Movie’, movies and specials so disgustingly sweet they make your teeth fall out of your head. No, the following list of holiday movies are for those of us that had our hearts shrink five sizes. Lords and Ladies, I faithfully submit for your enjoyment:
The list of Christmas movies and Specials for the cynic!
1) Santa’s Slay – Wrestler Bill Goldberg stars as a Santa Claus that kills people! The story goes that Santa was a virgin birth produced by Satan and Christmas was a ‘day of slaying’ for him until he was defeated by an angel in a curling match in 1005 and forced to deliver presents to children for the next 1000 years. Well, time’s up on the agreement and Saint Nick goes on a killing spree! It’s up to a crafty kid and his smart-assed grandfather to find a way to bring him down. Any movie that has Santa’s sleigh being pulled by ‘hell-deer’ is worth watching in my book!
2) Black Christmas – This proto-slasher film was directed by Bob Clark (Porky’s, A Christmas Story) and starred Margot Kidder, Olivia Hussey and John Saxon as a group of college students face off against a deranged serial killer that lurks in the attic of their sorority house. This is the story where the now-infamous ‘the calls are coming from inside the house’ trope in later horror films would come from. It even goes against the much later horror stereotype of the virginal college student surviving to the end, as the lone survivor was pregnant and was considering having an abortion. Watch this one with the lights on people!
3) Jack Frost – No, I’m not talking about that Michael Keaton vehicle about the dad who is reincarnated as a snowman to be with his son on Christmas. This Jack Frost is a serial killer being driven to his execution when he is in an accident involving a truck carrying genetic material, mutating Jack into a killer snowman! Featuring the ‘acting’ debut of Shannon Elizabeth, this heckle-worth film will keep you laughing all night long!
4) Dennis Leary’s Merry F*ckin’ Christmas – This one’s really self-explanatory. Dennis hosts a holiday special featuring Charlie Murphy (Eddie’s comic brother), Carmen Electra asking for donations to ‘Tits for Tots’ and The Barefaced Ladies singing holiday classics. This special is always a must-see for me!
5) Die Hard (and Die hard 2) – Yippee-Ki-Yay motherfucker! Bruce Willis’ star making turns as Det. John McLane are the perfect holiday movies! You have terrorists, guns, explosions and Reginald Veljohnson (Carl Winslow from ‘Family Matters’)! What more could you possibly want out of a holiday film!
There you have it, my list of holiday classics to watch with a nice bowl of popcorn and a hot chocolate. Alright lords and ladies, time for me to get back to novel-writing, so this’ll be it until the New Year.
Happy Holidays from Giant Killer Squid and the Asylum!
Even as I sit here in my cubicle in the waning days of September, I look back at what was a great year and I eagerly anticipate the return of spring next year. Not for when one’s fancy turns to love, but that’s when convention season begins anew! From comic books, anime, horror, sci-fi and gaming to even fan-specific shows you can’t throw a stone on the internet without getting hits for the next great convention or fan expo. What is it about these conventions that bring so much of us out of hiding and into the glaring light of the outside world? Well, you wouldn’t be reading my articles if you thought that I’d stop there, so read on MacDuff.
Conventions provide not only a place to get the autograph from your favorite star or that hard to find swag, they also provide a way for a divisive community such as ours to come together and let our geek flags fly proudly. Think of it kind of like a nerd-pride parade that extends over an entire weekend. These weekend conventions are highly anticipated; as fans spends thousands of dollars on airfare and hotels to be able to attend. As much as they spend on getting there and back they spend even more at the conventions themselves on food, drink and swag. It also provides you with a badge of honor that says ‘yes I was there, and it was AWESOME’ with plenty of epic tales to tell your friends that couldn’t make it.
Of course you have to take the good with the bad. Overcrowding, the ridiculously long lines, the over-priced convention food, limited run of con exclusives and of course limited seating to events can wear on people over the course of a weekend. Not to mention another annoyance at a convention: The Super-fan. These people are the die-hard fans that will pop up at nearly every convention they can get to, be the most vocal (read: ridiculously loud) about their show/game/series/characters being the best of all while slamming everyone else’s fandom and really begin to wear down the all-around good vibes of the convention.
To all super-fans out there I say: for the love of all that is holy please calm the hell down and shut the hell up! Being a fan is fine but that doesn’t give you carte blanche to slam ANYBODY else’s likes or good time at the convention. They paid their hard earned money just like you so give them the respect that they deserve. If their costume doesn’t look as nice (read: as store bought) as yours you don’t get to point out the flaws in their costume. When in line for the Q&A period at a panel, keep your question small and brief, if you have more to ask then get back in line and ask again (time permitting of course).
Another point I want to touch on has become more and more of a problem as the conventions get bigger and start to cater to a wider variety of people; that would be violence at a convention. Con-violence is sadly becoming more and more apparent as the cons get larger. Star Wars fans staring down the Star Trek fans in a ‘West-Side Story’ style gang warfare to violent outbursts in those long lineups to even where people at seated in an event. This really has culminated in the now-infamous stabbing in Hall H at the San Diego Comic Con. I was in Hall H when it all went down (fortunately I was on the other side too) and I probably wouldn’t have heard anything about it if some schmuck when up to the podium and said “Please return to your seats. There’s nothing to see here.” When you say a line like that EVERYONE is going to get out of their seats to have a look at what went down.
Now being at any kind of convention these days with the amount of money spent on costumes, the pass, the food and the swag one has to ask themselves: Is it worth it? Is all the money I’ve saved for this on airfare, hotel and all the tropes of conventioneering worth being removed from the event with a possible banning, or even a trip to jail just because I couldn’t get the better seat that I wanted? The answer is a thousand times NO!
I personally am not going to piss away a chance to be at any of the conventions with my friends just because of the actions of another. I can’t control the actions of any other conventioneer; I can only control and be responsible for my own actions. Besides, there are always feedback forms or even forums for me to bitch about the long lines and that super-fan in the brown coat which I can get to AFTER the conventions’ over. There is a time and a place for that; it is not while you’re enjoying yourself at the con.
As conventions grow and expand their repertoire to cater to fans I’ve been hearing a growing voice showing their discontent over shows that are not genre shows (read: shows like ‘America’s got Talent’ or ‘Canadian Idol’) getting space at the convention. Really people, with the amount of time that we’ve been ostracized for liking certain shows or certain forms of print media, are we really going to judge people that arrive at these conventions because they’re fans of these kinds of shows? Sadly, I’ve seen it more and more at conventions these days and it really puts an ugly stain on what should be wholesome fandom.
These fans have just as much right to be there as we do and they should get the same level of respect that we *should* give each other in the genre community. They are letting their fan flags fly just as much as we are and they should be included in our nerdy reindeer games.
To conclude this rant, conventions are a great way for fans of all genres and communities to come together in the spirit of fandom. Let’s all just play nice with each other (especially with those new non-genre show fans) and we’ll all make the conventions a much better place.
Until next time, stay epic my friends!
Hola Lords and Ladies! I’m going to get back to the usual nerdy diatribes and rants later on. Today however I want to discuss a subject that really and I do mean really, grinds my gears. We’ve all been there, an early or advanced screening for the latest comic-book epic or in line for a signing/sketch from your favorite author/artist. We are all standing together in a simple structure used to simplify the entry to the event, a line. Now when things go well this structure moves along quickly and everyone in said line goes away satisfied. When it doesn’t go right (to be detailed further down) it can be a mockingly cruel torture device designed to drive its participant’s batshit insane. The following are a set of rules (not guidelines, I’m not playing a DM right now) to make your experience and the experiences of others in the line more enjoyable.
#1 – Know what you want before you get to the front of the line.
This one’s pretty self-explanatory. In the case of a movie theater or a fast food restaurant where you have multiple selections to choose from you have plenty of time to make a choice while you are still moving through the line. The goal is, once you’re at the front, have your choice in mind and make your selection. I was in line last weekend to see ‘Machete’ and the two younger girls in front of me got to the front of the line. They both walked up to the cashier, but it seems as though their choice for the movie they were going to see leaked out of their heads between the front of the line and approaching the cashier! So they had to back up and look at the screens with the films and show-times to find it again. This happened more than once as apparently their ability to read also leaked out of their heads along with their choice. I should also mention that the other cashiers were busy with large families and their desperate attempts to come to a consensus. I was next in line dammit! Get out of my way so that I can make my choice and move on for the people behind me!
Simply put, have your choice in mind once you get to the front of the line.
#2 – Have your money/credit/debit ready
Again this is common sense. While you’re moving through the line get your cash/debit/credit/scene card out and in hand or at least have it in easy reach when you get to the cashier. It makes the transaction go by so much faster if you’re not having to fumble for your wallet or dig through your purse to get that all out at the cashier. Keep the process simple and have it in hand when you get to the front of the line.
#3 – Pay attention to the movements of the line
Depending on the size or popularity of the event, the line could move slowly or quickly. This is normally always out of our control and is really the responsibility of the organizers to determine. Our part in this is to be aware when the line moves and move with it. So that means no sitting down while in line, there will be plenty of time for that once you get inside. This also goes for when you turn around to talk with the person behind you, keep an eye out so that you know to move when the line moves.
And finally rule #4:
NO BLOODY CUTS!!!
Out of all the rules to follow THIS is the one that we all need to follow and it really brings my piss to a boil when it isn’t followed. If you step out of line to go do something else it was clearly more important than standing in line. So you lose your place in line and have to go to the back of the line. If your friends cannot make it there at the same time as you do they go to the back of the line! They can ask you to save seats but that’s it, they go to the back of the line! This is crucial especially when the event has limited seating. Nothing pisses me off more than not being allowed to get in because some moron let his friends cut in line and the capacity of the event has been reached. Loyalty schmoyalty! If your friends can’t make it there to get in line with you at the same time it’s their own fault for not getting in. No one else that is in the line should have to miss out because your friends can’t follow a watch!
I’m normally not an angry individual but this always seems to tick me off to no end! The world would be a much better place and we’d all get along that much better if everyone just follows the rules. If you didn’t know there were rules to the line before you do now. So please, for your better enjoyment and the peace of mind of others in the line behind you, follow them.
/end rant. Until next time, stay epic lords and ladies!
Since its inception, geekdom has had many camps of the faithful spring up in support of their favorite series. One need only look around at a convention for a few minutes to see members of the 501st squadron sporting their PVC stormtrooper costumes, fans of ‘the Fett’ sporting their best battle-damaged Mandalorian armor and roving packs of red/blue/gold shirts from Star Trek showing their love for Roddenberry. The reception of each other when their paths cross in the vendor halls can be described as frosty at best. Why is that? Why isn’t there a nerd version of Rodney King saying ‘can’t we all get along?’? Well, to bastardize William Shakespeare to a degree, read on MacDuff.
Star Wars, the multi-billion dollar brain-child of George ‘King Beard’ Lucas has, since its humble beginnings in 1977, grown from mere fandom and collection of swag to borderline religion. I believe that people in England have put down their religion as ‘Jedi’ when asked to fill out their census forms. Even at the most recent Star Wars Celebration in Orlando, Florida there were Star Wars themed wedding ceremonies. Fans of ‘the Wars’ let their geek flags fly the highest, but even within the Star Wars camps there is fractures (Jedi vs. Sith, fans of the original trilogy vs. the prequel series etc.) but they are all united in one aspect “Star Wars rules and Star Trek sucks!”. If I can make a suggestion though O Star Wars fan, put the lightsaber down and give Trek a view. You might even be surprised to find that there are similarities between the two: big ships with lasers, cyborgs and multi-faction conflict. You may also be shocked to find out that there are more black people in the galaxy aside from Lando Calrissian.
Now onto Star Trek, Gene Roddenberry’s ‘Gunsmoke in Space’, debuting on television in 1966 the series ran for three seasons and was cancelled on June 3 1969. By then, in spite of low Nielsen ratings, the series had developed a strong following that culminated in one of the first fan conventions. Four series (5 if you include the short-lived animated series), 12 movies and a metric ton of merchandise later the travels of the USS Enterprise have stretched far and wide. Even with a series that has an idealized society with humans and aliens living in near-harmony (the allegory on racism of the original series with Frank Gorshin in black and white face paint not withstanding) and the need for material possessions has been all but removed all is not right within the Star Trek camp. Now, O Star Trek fan; put logic aside for now and give Star Wars a look. It has blasters, scoundrels that captain their own ships and even philosophy with a sci-fi edge.
You’re probably wondering why I haven’t cast my critical ‘eye of Sauron’ onto other series like Firefly, Battlestar Gallactica or Dr. Who. That’s because if I tried to give detailed attention to all of those popular genre shows with huge followings I would never be finished. Although I may revisit this topic in later critiques, so stay tuned true believer!
If I may postulate, there is another camp out there that needs to get some much needed recognition, this camp is compiled of those fans that span multiple genres, series and mediums. They are the fans of sci-fi, horror, anime, fantasy, comic books, video games and tabletop RPGs. They love it all and like a parent of a large family they simply can’t pick a favorite. This is a camp that I can say proudly that I am a card-carrying member of, editorial bias be damned! This camp has been regarded as lazy and unmotivated by the more fervent and fanatical fan camps out there with the main argument being that we don’t pick a side.
I say that picking a side of fandom removes any chance of truly enjoying it all. Look at it this way, by enjoying everything nerdy on an even level I can enjoy it when reboots of a long standing series works like J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek and I’m not nearly as disappointed when it doesn’t work like Star Wars Episodes 1-3. Also, this camp has no limitations when it comes to expressing one’s fandom. While I might be a little wigged out by the Star Trek conventions and Star Wars celebrations, I feel perfectly at home where every aspect of fandom is represented, such as The Calgary Comic and Entertainment Expo and San Diego Comic Con.
My final thought on this comes from bastardizing another celebrity, in this case Bruce Lee. Fandom is like a finger pointing to the moon, do not strictly focus on the finger or you will lose out on all that heavenly glory.
Until next week, stay epic my friends!
With the advent of Internet, Ipads and smart-phones more and more people are looking to their computer screens to get the latest news, sports results and celebrity scandal. Looking into a recent copy of Rolling Stone magazine I came across a strange advertisement (in relation to all of the other strange adverts in said magazine) that detailed a statistic that ‘during the 12-year life of Google, magazine readership actually increased 11 percent’. The advertisement was put forward by a collection of publishers, as is indicated by the almost ransom note collection of fonts from different magazine covers in the tagline ‘Magazines: The power of Print’. That got me to thinking, in this world where we can instantly obtain news of a subject from a variety of different sources is Print Media going the way of the dinosaur?
The answer is: yes and no. With the marvels of technology in this ‘digital age’ such as the Kindle, the Ipad and even to an extent the modern Internet you can now view articles from the conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan to the latest song by pop star Katy Perry in crisp, clear, high definition from not only an innumerable amount of sources but in every language possible. The e-book readers even have a page flipping animation to transition between pages in an electronic short story or novel.
To take it one step further, many of both classic works of literature and the latest novel are being translated into audio books. Don’t have the time to read the book but still want to get the story? Then just pop in the cassette/CD/MP3 into your media player and listen away. Often is the case where you will be listening to the story as read by a celebrity voice over artist as well. This isn’t really anything new, before we had the good sense to write these stories down they were recounted aloud either around a campfire or in an amphitheater. In many ways audio books take us back to those times prior to papyrus and stone carvings when hearing tales of heroics and derring-do was an event to be shared with the people around you. I can’t speak for the rest of you, but I actually find myself better immersed in the story when it’s being told rather than reading it.
It’s been said that with the advancement of technology we’ve lost these earlier forms of communication. When TV was invented they said it would ruin the radio industry (see the eerily prophetic music video ‘Video Killed the Radio Star’ by the Buggles for details). Was the radio industry brought to ruin? Of course not, the radio plays of the day became the teleplays on TV later on. Radio is still alive and well, it has even made the transition to Internet Radio and even the podcast.
So that brings me back to the earlier question, will personal electronic devices bring an end to print? Many older publications such as the New York Post, the Calgary Herald or even the LA Times have seen drops in their subscription based paper readership. This is due primarily to the publishers of these ‘fish wraps’ disregarding the new medium for media as a fad and are slow to get on the bandwagon. Make no mistake my friends, personal hand-held technology is here to stay and only those that choose to ignore it’s abilities as a medium changer will fall by the wayside.
Newspapers may be slow to the dance, but other forms of print made the transition almost effortlessly. The comic book industry, seeing that their primary readership was heading in the direction of portable media technology, saw the need to adapt. Speaking with the app creators and programmers you can now read your favorite funny books on your Iphone, Ipad or even on your personal computer. The interactive experience has even been taken a step further with the advent of motion comics where the panels even have animations and the dialogue is voiced by voice over artists.
Has this ended the comic book industry? Not really, as I can still go to Redd Skull comics here in Calgary and still get my latest issues of Atomic Robo or the New Avengers. That being said, I can also pay for the online subscription to Marvel or DC and get the chance to read some of my favorite heroes in their earliest adventures. All in their original 4-color glory! So while I enjoy the ease of reading back issues from the likes of Jack Kirby, Stan Lee and Walt Simonson online; I still get the tactile sensations of holding the print comic in my hot little hands. The smell of the ink and the crispness of opening the pages to see artwork from modern masters like David Finch or Neal Adams is a sensation that will never leave, no matter how old I get.
Print Media has seen more of an evolution and reimagining in the last ten years than in its entire history. Has it entirely gone away? Not really, while some are slow to catch up, many other aspects of the print media have made the transition to electronic mediums. The purists need not be alarmed, you will still be able to pick up your latest issue and read it to your heart’s content. For people such as myself I get the best of both worlds, I can read comic book issues from decades ago like they were brand new on my computer and I can grab the latest adventures of my favorite heroes and heroines in print form as well.
As long as print continues to move along side new technology it will never go away entirely. Now if you’ll excuse me I have some comic books to pick up.
Stay epic my friends!
