Posted on: August 27th, 2010 REVIEW: Takers
I am a fan of stunning visual imagery in film making, such as Hayden Christensen in an impeccably tailored suit and a bowler hat.
Hayden Christensen, in a wife-beater with tattoos, playing the piano while smoking.
Hayden Christensen’s adam’s apple while he drills a giant hole in the ceiling and fills it with C-4
Zoe Saldana in skinny jeans.
I was psyched for Takers. I’ll admit to having anticipated this B-list star studded heist film all summer long. I was hoping to be pleasantly surprised by something awesome. I knew I’d be disappointed. Even so, I was pumped.
The heist crew features, of course, Hayden Christensen, as well as Chris Brown, T.I., Paul Walker, and two other guys. Zoe Saldana is in for three scenes as a love interest. Matt Dillon is the hardened detective on the case. There’s a couple of heists. The Russians shoot up the place. That’s about it.
Okay, so it was bad. I mean, I am a fan of any mediocre action film featuring Paul Walker. Really, a mediocre action film is all it takes to please me on most accounts. Give me a generic heist film, and I am a happy, happy girl.
There is absolutely no reason why a heist, in which the main heist is from The Italian Job (which T.I. helpfully points out in the film), should be two hours long. Thank Christ for the generically abrupt ending which sets up a bevy of sequels, because I just couldn’t sit any more.
Always seeking the positives here. T.I. makes an excellent villain. He’s just so slimy and deliciously evil. Matt Dillon was basically born to play an angry overly violent detective who is just focused on getting the job done at all costs. Chris Brown, mercifully, doesn’t say much.
The homages to Oceans 11 are beautiful, getting all those gangsters dressed up in their finest suits and suspenders. The Italian Job scene is wonderful, with Paul Walker proving he only looks like an insurance salesmen, but can still crack some skulls. Chop thirty minutes out of the movie and concentrate on simply recreating the heist formula with new faces and better explosions, and this movie would have been alright.
I know all you squidies are planning to go see The Last Exorcism this weekend instead, and I fully endorse your decision, unless you are like me and aroused by ex-Jedi in suspenders.
