Posted on: June 21st, 2010 Who Moved Doom’s Cheese #3
Fools! Little do they realize that movie plot was just recycled from 1974!
If people don’t pay to see a movie, similar movies will not be made in the future. In theory, that’s basically how Hollywood works, right? That’s why Saw movies are still being made! Assholes are still going and seeing them. Although, that theory affects similar movies (mainly dealing with sequels or franchises), it doesn’t often affect the genre itself. If a horror movie does poorly, the execs don’t say “Oh, well the kids today don’t like horror.” No, they say “Let’s put him in a different mask and set it in a beach house!”
I don’t believe comic-book-based movies work the same way. If a movie that’s based on a comic book or graphic novel does poorly, the suits will generalize that no one cares about superheroes anymore or that the content does not transfer well across the different mediums. Is that fair? Of course not. They see comic-adaptation as a genre of movies instead of recognizing comic books as a source material. Anyone that spends 1 minute in the racks can tell you that comics go way past tights and capes, there are some amazing dramatic, comedic and intelligent stories throughout the medium. Most would make killer movies if done correctly. However, one flop of a film and suddenly future projects go the way of the buffalo.
That frightens me, kids. I like comic book adaptations. Are all of them good? Hell no. A lot of them are actually bad; but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to see more of them. I’m thrilled to death that we’re seeing a surge in movies based on stories from the panels. It’s one of the only times I can sit in a theater, watch a movie, and truthfully say afterwards “Well, the book was better.” But what if there’s a movie based on a comic I don’t like? OR a comic I do like but they seemed to have distorted the material in an unrecognizable fashion? What then? I’m not shelling out $10+ to see a movie that looks terrible. At the same time, I want this movie to get just enough cash to assure adaptations will keep getting made. If it ends up at the bottom of the box office, we find ourselves trying harder to legitimize comic books/graphic novels as a honest literary medium.
Enter now: Jonah Hex. I won’t lie to you; I’m not the biggest Jonah Hex fan. I like a lot of the writers that have penned him and I do respect the character and his place in DC lore; he’s simply not among my favorites. I was still excited when I heard they were making a movie! “Hot damn, they’re gonna make me like Jonah Hex!” Then I saw the previews, and the clips, and the reviews and now I can tell you I have no desire at all to see that movie. None. But Hollywood, please don’t think I won’t want to see any comic book movies ever again! I just want you to try harder.
We’re not stupid. You can’t just take a beloved character, give him shoddy writing, low-grade acting and a few neat explosions and expect us to follow you to the cinema in droves. Comic book fans are actually some of the most discerning audiences I know! Change one thing and they’ll go bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. But you’re not looking for the comic book fans, are you? You’re hoping you can appeal to the mass population, huh? Throw in a few gatling guns on a horse, some terrible puns or a questionably popular actor/actress and that’ll be enough to put their butts in the seats. You may not care, but you’re making the comic fans very unhappy. And we are surprisingly numerous and vociferous.
I want to give you my money but I want you to earn it. I can’t just give in and pay an already ridiculously high price for a ticket to see a craptastic movie! That will only encourage you to make more crap. But I don’t want to hurt the comic book industry either. I love those guys. They give me entertainment every Wednesday. Unfortunately, your movies help sell their books. And higher book sales mean more books for me to buy! Can’t you see what you’re doing? You’re tearing me apart! Don’t make me see Jonah Hex in the theaters. Maybe one day I’ll buy it in the discount bin at Walmart. I’m sure the couple bucks that comes back to you will more than pay for the amount of joy I’ll receive watching it. Prove me wrong.