Comically Challenged: Wonder Woman #40

Children. They suck. They stand in front of the DC Classics action figures at the store because the Ben-10 figures are right next to them. They get fingerprints ev-er-y-where. They get to board the airplane first. They would get to hop on the life raft first if a boat were sinking. They manipulate your mind to cause hate crimes all over the city. Okay, maybe those are only a select few.

Okay, maybe those are just the gang of demon-school-boys known as The Crows in Wonder Woman #40. Still, I’ve seen enough horror movies to know I’m keeping my eye on little kid across the street. Hi, Billy. I’m the girl next door wearing the aluminum foil hat. It could be my fear of the young, my fear of satanic rituals, or my fear of school uniforms talking here, but it was a pretty excellent issue of Wonder Woman this week.

She fought a serpent that tested my recollection of Mesoamerican Gods (take that Middle School history!) Etta Candy’s okay, so that’s great. We got a setup for a Wonder Woman/Power Girl fight; I guess that’s pretty neat. Top that off with creepy kids making people kill each other and you’ve got a well-rounded issue.

I don’t know anything about these Crows. That’s a lie. One’s named Spider, another Goat and another Scorpion. There are more but I bet they don’t have cool names. That’s why they weren’t mentioned. “Chad” isn’t going to be called upon to set a synagogue on fire, if you know what I mean. But, anyway, they run around in little hats and ties, (which SHOULD be a dead giveaway that they shouldn’t be trusted. Who does that?) and they do some crazy red-eye-glowing mind tricks that make people hate the Jews. And then they’ll blame it on black people. Assholes, these kids.  Why do they hate Wonder Woman? Damned if I know. I’m sure they’re the spawn of a really pissed off God.

In fact, anyone want to place a bet with me?  I’m calling my shot right here. Am I going to name the God? Um…no. I almost hurt myself struggling to come up with Quetzalcoatl today. But Ares is old hat and Hades, although understandable, is so hard to make interesting. Want to know who I hope it is? Egg Fu-the big Communist egg. That’d be the best. Gail Simone could own that story line.

Aaron Lopresti is still doing the art on Wonder Woman. He became the artist back around issue #20, I believe. Still doing a bang-up job. You get to see a serpent regurgitate a subway car. It’s really gross. Thanks for that, Aaron. He’s actually great at drawing creepy things. His work on Genocide blew me away. She had Diana’s lasso grafted into her body. To be able to pull that off without looking dumb? A gift. Turns out, he also makes demon-children have really nice teeth. Like, Invisalign nice. So weird.

You don’t need to know much about what’s been going on in recently in the book to pick up this issue. So if you were thinking that you need some witty one-liners about castration in your life. This is really the way to go.