A Giant Killer Squid Thanksgiving

Today on Pardon The Interruption I learned that Canada has their Thanksgiving in October. So for all you Canucks, um…pretend I wrote this a month ago and you’re just getting around to reading it now.

I guess I like Thanksgiving. I never really gave it a lot of thought. All the controversy regarding its racist, ugly American background doesn’t really hold much water with me. Don’t get me wrong, I know we’re a bunch of ass-hats but I’ve never equated Thanksgiving with Pilgrims and Native Americans. There’s really only one Pilgrim I care about and his name is Scott and he recently was vs. The Universe. I just see this as a holiday where I’m presented with the question, “Would you like apple or pumpkin pie?” and I can simply respond, “Yes.” and it’s an acceptable answer. Now that’s something I can get behind.

But okay, let’s talk about what I’m thankful for. I’m a pretty fortunate chick. I have all necessary appendages and currently have no warrants out for my arrest. In my book, that’s a solid way of life. (Note: if you are a man or woman who is wanted by the government and you have a hook for a hand, I’m sorry. Please do not hunt me down because I pointed out your misfortune.) Now don’t you go thinking that’s all I got going for me. Oh no, no, no. I’ve got the world on a string, if you will. I’m thankful for:

-Rock Band-I played flute in high school. I am not a rock star. Thank you for making me feel like I could really show up at a boring house party and rock it into awesome via “Don’t Fear The Reaper”.

-DJ Hero-Sometimes, I don’t feel like rockin’. Sometimes I just want to sit on my bed and jam to a mashup of MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice. You fill that void. Thanks for the Rewind feature, it’s a lot of fun.

-Lego-I can sit in front of the tv for hours and put you together. As long as I can gaze upon an X-Wing made of little bits and pieces, I feel like my time was actually well spent. It’s not like I cured cancer, but it’s pretty flippin’ close.

-J.J. Abrams-Thank you for making Star Trek culturally acceptable. I know you pissed off a lot of ‘Trek-ers’ but I don’t care. I’ll take it. P.S.-if you can somehow fit tribbles into the next movie, I’ll die of happiness. No joke. In the theater. Dead.

-Geoff Johns-You make me want to be a better geek. Your gift of continuity and bridging story-gaps in the comic book world never ceases to amaze me. Please don’t leave us to make a lot of movies.

-Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade-I watch you every year, provided I wake up early enough.  Every year I see people singing on floats and I say “Who the hell is that?”  Last year you even Rick Rolled me with the Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends float.  But I get excited when I see a giant Pikachu balloon with the hope that maybe the handlers will lose control and a Pokemon will go through New York like Godzilla through Tokyo.  You keep me saying, “Maybe this year my dreams will come true.”

-Ryan Ferrier-I talk in sentence fragments and can barely string together one thought. Why you let me write for your website, I will never know. Thanks though, it makes me feel important when I Google myself.

-Instock Trades-You keep me up to date on all the books I’ve missed throughout the years and you make it cheaper. You’re the bestest.

-The Muppets-When I’m sad, you turn the ship around. When I’m bored, you kill time. When I’m happy, you really seal the deal. Even your comic books are funny. Because of you, I didn’t have to read Treasure Island or A Christmas Carol. I have no doubt both of those movies were extremely accurate to the original text. They definitely were true to the art of awesomeness.

-Marvel Superhero Squad Show-Not that I need much prompting for watching cartoons but you really brought your A game. And you gave Parry Gripp a job; even though I do in fact like waffles and hamsters on pianos (eating popcorn), that guy needed some sort of income for his catchy, catchy songs.

-DC Universe Classics Action Figures-You decorate my basement. You’re like a year round Easter Egg hunt within Walmarts and Targets. You’re massively over-priced at comic shops and it makes me feel good inside when I see that I own the one they’re charging $75 for. Please tell my local Walmart that you’ve made more figures than just Captain Cold and Aquaman-Blue as those are the only ones they’ve had in supply for the past couple months.

Lastly, I’m thankful for you, Dear Reader. Thanks for taking time out of your day to wander onto a blog written by a bunch of nerds. Have a great Thanksgiving and try not to let on to your grandmother that you really have no intention of eating her green bean casserole but that you “have no room on the plate.”