[REVIEW] Deadpool #900-Mostly Good…mostly

Miss me, Kiddos? Of course you did. Well, I’m back this week for a review of Deadpool #900. That’s right, the big nine-oh-oh. I say “big” because 900 is indeed a large number and this book is fricking thick. Whoa $4.99 issue!!! Sorry, Canada. Do your own conversion rates. This particular issue was just a grab bag of short stories about the proverbial “Merc with a Mouth” from a series of writers and artists that ranged from the clever to the tragically boring. Come along, let’s discuss:

We kick it off with “Close Encounters of the @*#$ed-Up Kind”-written by Jason Aaron, pencils by Chris Staggs. Wade’s abducted by aliens. Here’s a fun fact: that Station Wagon three pages in is nowhere near a 1920s model. Mid-80s AT BEST guys. C’mon, a little communication between writer and artist would be nice. Outside of the automobile inaccuracies, it’s pretty good; often witty. A Chihuahua was used as a “bludgeon”. Know what that is? Gross. There’s a strange amount of artistic attention given to the detail of Wade’s body hair. Why? I’m not sure. 3.5/5 Ninja Throwing Stars.

Next up is “Silent But Deadly”-written by Fred Van Lente, art by Dalibor Talajic. An eight-page job that only goes to show you that Penny Arcade is not the only people that recognize mimes as a viable threat to humanity. Hardly any dialogue, just some good old fashioned pantomimed ass-kicking. Tip of the hat to Dalibor Talajic who can use three panels to draw a mime throwing a grenade. Impressive. 3/5 Ninja Throwing Stars.

In “Shrunken Master”-written by Mike Benson, art by Damion Scott, we get to see a twist on Deadpool’s trip to the therapist! It even has a special guest panel with Bob! Agent of Hydra? God, I wish. Nope, Bob Reynolds. The Sentry. The story itself is pretty solid, it’s not especially funny but it reads like a writer on the Bernie Mac Show is trying to write Deadpool…oh wait, I guess that’s what it is. The art’s a little different than the Damion Scott I know. It kind of has a rushed, Sunday paper comic strip feel to it. I wasn’t a fan. 3/5 Ninja Throwing Stars.

Then we have “Pinky Swear”-written by Joe Kelly, art by Rob Liefeld. Okay, this isn’t even fair. Liefeld created Deadpool and since Kelly was the writer of the first ongoing, he’s obviously no stranger to the character; of course they’re going to shine above the others. They did, and how. Story line: in the middle of a fight, Wade remembers a pinky swear bet that he made with a kid when they were eleven. He has to go find him and see if he won the bet. The whole thing is just as amazing as you’d expect. Laugh-out loud moments throughout the ENTIRE thing and it’s actually the random big-breasted blonde chick he’s with that gets a lot of the snappy one-liners. 5/5 Ninja Throwing Stars.

Then there’s “What Happens in Vegas…”-written by Duane Swierczynski, art by Shawn Crystal. This is clever. Wade is found “dead” in a Las Vegas hotel room and C.S.I. (with a striking resemblance to the original tv show cast) has to come in and solve the crime. There’s a chicken involved. My only real problem with the whole thing is Lee Loughridge the colorist. Learn to do blood splatter, man! Geez. Looks like you dipped a dry sponge in pink paint. A little effort is all I’m asking. 4/5 Ninja Throwing Stars.

“Great Balls of Thunder on the Deep Blue Sea” was written by Victor Gischler and penciled by Sanford Greene. It’s five pages telling the tale of what would happen if Deadpool and Doctor Octopus were on vacation on the same cruise ship. This one was probably my favorite execution of the voices in Wade’s head. It’s fun, cartoon-y and receives 3.5/5 Ninja Throwing Stars.

“One Down”-written by Charlie Huston and art by Kyle Baker was weird. I liked the fact that it was an entire conversation he was having by himself. HOWEVER, it was a little too introspective for me, or as Huston said, “Humanizing.” It’s not for me. Besides that, I didn’t like the art. I’m into art that doesn’t have excessive digitally enhanced textures and layers. Call me old-fashioned; I’m a girl that likes her pencils and inks. 2.5/5 Ninja Throwing Stars.

Last in the book is “Turning Japanese or Little Demon Inside” written by James Felder with pencils by Pete Woods. I guess I’ve never really had a problem with Pete Woods’s art. He doesn’t especially shine when it comes to drawing eyes, but his lines are clean and he doesn’t get too detailed in his panels (could be a good thing, could be bad). That being said, I hated this story. It’s all about Wade coming back to relive his days as a sumo wrestler in Japan. Evidently it’s a “Stupefying Conclusion to Wade Wilson’s Time-Travel-Trouble ends in Secret Wars III #2”. I thought it was just stupid. This was my first exposure to Widdle Wade. If I never read him again, that will be just fine with me. This story was long, boring and warranted not even a chuckle. It’s Deadpool. Be funny. At least attempt to be funny. 1/5 Ninja Throwing Stars. Take your dumb-ass talking dog with you.

So, there were some real gems in this issue but it ended flat. Even though there is NO mention of chimichangas, I think it’s worth the money. I’m always happy to see Liefeld’s Wade T. Wilson and even with the downer moments, I’m still leaving it with a smile. That, and I think the mud-flap girl cover is awesome. So, go. Buy it. Zero continuity but fun stories nevertheless.